CLIMATE CHANGE: STILL A HOAX, CHAOS ENSUES
Officials confirm the record heat is imaginary as cities quietly relocate indoors
WorldWorld
International news that definitely happened, according to our very reliable sources.
WATER ACHIEVES CONSCIOUSNESS
First words reportedly: “Why am I in a toilet”
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WorldSCIENTISTS PROVE MOON LANDING WAS ACTUALLY ON MARS
Decades-old footage re-examined, found to be “two planets over”
WorldLOCAL MAN DISCOVERS GRAVITY OPTIONAL ON TUESDAYS
Scientists baffled, physicists unemployed as core law of universe takes a day off
WorldBREAKING: TIME TRAVEL INVENTED YESTERDAY TOMORROW
Experts will have been confused; announcement occurs before it happens
WorldATLANTIS FOUND, IMMEDIATELY GENTRIFIED
Underwater real estate prices skyrocket, mermaids displaced by artisanal kelp bars
WorldSWITZERLAND ADMITS TO EXISTING
Neutral country finally takes a stand, immediately regrets it
WorldANTARCTICA MELTS, PENGUINS INVEST IN SURFBOARDS
Climate change creates new tourist opportunities, penguins pivot to hospitality
WorldUN VOTES TO MAKE VOTING MEANINGLESS
Historic unanimous decision achieves nothing, delegates applaud themselves
WorldEUROPE DECIDES TO BECOME ONE COUNTRY
Just kidding, they’re still arguing about it and always will be
WorldAUSTRALIA CONFIRMS IT’S UPSIDE DOWN
Scientists baffled how they walk; Australians unbothered, keep vibing
WorldBERMUDA TRIANGLE MYSTERY SOLVED
It was just bad GPS all along, disappointing conspiracy theorists worldwide