ANTARCTICA MELTS, PENGUINS INVEST IN SURFBOARDS

As Antarctica continues its brisk transition from ice sheet to beach resort, the local penguin population has demonstrated remarkable entrepreneurial spirit, investing heavily in surfboards and sunscreen.

“When life gives you a rapidly warming continent, you open a tiki bar,” said one penguin, adjusting tiny sunglasses. “The weather’s great. Terrifying, sure, but great.”

Scientists called the penguins’ adaptability “inspiring and also deeply upsetting.”