WATER ACHIEVES CONSCIOUSNESS
First words reportedly: “Why am I in a toilet”
LOCAL MAN DISCOVERS GRAVITY OPTIONAL ON TUESDAYS
Scientists baffled, physicists unemployed as core law of universe takes a day off
A local man has made the discovery of the century after noticing that gravity, the fundamental force holding the universe together, appears to take Tuesdays off. The revelation has thrown the scientific community into disarray and left several physicists updating their résumés.
“I just floated up to the ceiling around 2 p.m. and thought, huh,” the man recounted. “By Wednesday I was back on the ground, no explanation. I’ve stopped asking.”
Experts urge the public not to schedule anything heavy on Tuesdays, just to be safe.
