WATER ACHIEVES CONSCIOUSNESS
First words reportedly: “Why am I in a toilet”
EUROPE DECIDES TO BECOME ONE COUNTRY
Just kidding, they’re still arguing about it and always will be
Europe has announced a historic decision to unify into a single country, a plan that lasted approximately eleven minutes before descending into a passionate argument about which nation’s cuisine would represent the whole.
“We were so close,” said one negotiator. “Then someone mentioned who makes the best bread and now three countries aren’t speaking to each other and one has left the room dramatically.”
Officials say full unification is expected any century now.
