WATER ACHIEVES CONSCIOUSNESS
First words reportedly: “Why am I in a toilet”
UN VOTES TO MAKE VOTING MEANINGLESS
Historic unanimous decision achieves nothing, delegates applaud themselves
In a rare display of total unity, the United Nations has voted unanimously to render all future votes meaningless, a resolution delegates hailed as “the most decisive nothing we’ve ever done.”
“It’s the first time we’ve all agreed on anything,” said one delegate, wiping away a tear. “And we used that historic moment to ensure it never matters again. Beautiful.”
The resolution was immediately framed and hung in a hallway no one visits.
