BREAKING: TIME TRAVEL INVENTED YESTERDAY TOMORROW

Scientists have successfully invented time travel, an achievement that took place yesterday, tomorrow, and is also happening right now as you read this, which was written before it was thought of.

“We’re very proud of what we will have accomplished,” said a researcher who had not yet been born when the project began. “The hardest part was the paperwork, which we filed retroactively and also in advance.”

Critics argue the invention creates dangerous paradoxes, a concern the scientists say they already addressed next week.