ATLANTIS FOUND, IMMEDIATELY GENTRIFIED

The lost city of Atlantis has been discovered, and within 48 hours it had a waitlist for a rooftop kelp bar and a two-bedroom coral loft listed for an amount that made even the fish gasp.

“We found a pristine ancient civilization and immediately ruined it,” said one developer, proudly. “The mermaids? Priced out. They’ve relocated to a more affordable trench. It’s got character.”

Locals report the neighborhood “just isn’t the same” since the submarine of influencers arrived.