GERRYMANDERING REACHES 4TH DIMENSION

Mapmakers have achieved a historic breakthrough in redistricting, drawing electoral boundaries so creative they now extend into the fourth dimension and quietly annex voters from both the past and the future.

“Why limit yourself to voters who currently exist?” asked one strategist, unrolling a map that made observers nauseous. “This district includes a farmer from 1840 and a baby who will be born in 2074. Both, we’re confident, support us.”

Mathematicians have asked the mapmakers to please stop, for the sake of geometry itself.