NEW “TRUTH TAX” PASSED, YOU’LL THANK US LATER
Citizens will now be charged a modest fee each time they insist on being correct
ALIENS ENDORSE US
Official statement released (we wrote it) confirms extraterrestrial support
An interstellar civilization located an unspecified number of light-years away has formally endorsed TrustUs News, according to a statement that we, TrustUs News, wrote ourselves and then attributed to aliens.
“We come in peace, and also we really trust these guys,” reads the statement, which was composed entirely in our break room on a laptop with a sticky spacebar. “Their journalism is out of this world, a phrase we chose independently and were not coached into using.”
When reached for comment, the aliens could not be reached, because they do not exist. We stand by the endorsement.
