CONGRESS VOTES TO MAKE VOTING HARDER

Congress has voted to make voting significantly harder, citing widespread concern that participating in democracy had become “almost suspiciously convenient.”

“If you really want it, you should have to earn it,” said one representative, unveiling a proposed voting process involving an obstacle course, a written exam, and a brief interview with a skeptical goose.

The measure passed easily, thanks to lawmakers who voted using a fast, comfortable, well-staffed system reserved exclusively for themselves.