CONTROVERSIAL: WATER IS WET

I’m about to say something that will end friendships and possibly nations: water is wet. There. I said it. Cancel me if you must, but I stand, dripping, by my truth.

The backlash was immediate and enormous. Some argued water only makes things wet without being wet itself. Others simply screamed. A trending hashtag formed, then split into two rival hashtags that now refuse to acknowledge each other.

I have received threats, praise, and one very confused DM from a fish. I regret nothing.