MUSICIAN MAKES MUSIC, FANS CONFUSED

A beloved musician has baffled fans by releasing actual music, a move widely seen as a betrayal by an audience that had come exclusively for the drama.

“I followed them for the feuds, the chaos, the cryptic posts,” said one disappointed fan. “And now they’ve dropped, what, a thoughtful album? About their feelings? This is not what I signed up for.”

The musician has apologized for the confusion and promised to start a pointless public feud as soon as possible.