CELEBRITY DOES NORMAL THING, WORLD SHOCKED

The entertainment world was rocked today when a celebrity was spotted doing something entirely normal, an act so mundane it immediately dominated headlines across the globe.

“They just… bought groceries. Like a person,” gasped one witness. “They touched a cart. They looked at prices. Sources now confirm the star also breathes oxygen and, on occasion, blinks.”

Fans are struggling to process the revelation that their idol may, in fact, be a human being, a theory experts are calling “premature.”