INFLUENCER INFLUENCES NO ONE

A top influencer with millions of followers has been found to influence absolutely no one, a discovery that has done nothing to slow their staggering income.

“I’ve never bought anything they recommended. I don’t even like them,” admitted one follower, still watching. “I can’t explain it. I just keep tapping. They make more than a surgeon. It’s deeply upsetting.”

Economists studying the phenomenon have concluded only that they, too, have now followed the influencer.