ECONOMY BOOMING, JUST DON’T LOOK AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
Experts insist the economy is thriving, provided you never check your own finances
STOCK MARKET POWERED BY WISHFUL THINKING
New algorithm just guesses, still outperforms experts by a comfortable margin
Wall Street has unveiled a revolutionary trading algorithm that simply guesses, a system that has, embarrassingly, outperformed every human analyst on the market.
“We fed it decades of financial data and it ignored all of it,” said one developer. “It just picks stocks based on which names it thinks sound nice. It’s up 40%. We’re not okay.”
Analysts who spent their careers studying the market have reportedly begun studying the algorithm, which studies nothing.
