ECONOMY BOOMING, JUST DON’T LOOK AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
Experts insist the economy is thriving, provided you never check your own finances
MONEY NOW GROWS ON TREES (BUT ONLY FOR BILLIONAIRES)
Newly discovered species of currency-bearing tree refuses to sprout in ordinary yards
Botanists have confirmed the existence of a remarkable new tree that grows actual money, a discovery tempered slightly by the tree’s baffling refusal to take root anywhere except the estates of people who already have plenty.
“We planted seeds in a normal neighborhood and they just sort of laughed at us,” said one researcher. “But on a yacht? Flourishing. We don’t understand it. The tree seems to have read a business book.”
Economists say the phenomenon perfectly captures the current market, in that it makes no sense and benefits the same four people.
