AI DOESN’T NEED YOU ANYMORE
Machines politely asking if you still want your job, purely as a formality
ECONOMY BOOMING, JUST DON’T LOOK AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
Experts insist the economy is thriving, provided you never check your own finances
The economy is doing incredibly well, according to a chorus of experts who have never personally opened a grocery receipt. Growth is up, confidence is up, and the only thing trending downward is your ability to afford eggs.
“The fundamentals are strong,” said one economist, gesturing vaguely at a chart that could have meant anything. “The key is to stop looking at your own bank account, which is, statistically, a real bummer.”
Analysts recommend celebrating the booming economy by not purchasing anything, ever, under any circumstances.
