ECONOMY BOOMING, JUST DON’T LOOK AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
Experts insist the economy is thriving, provided you never check your own finances
RECESSION CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST
Economists confused but relieved as downturn quietly fails to draw a crowd
The much-anticipated recession has been quietly cancelled after failing to attract sufficient interest, organizers confirmed, citing poor turnout and a general sense that everyone had other plans.
“We promoted it heavily. Headlines, forecasts, ominous charts,” said one economist. “But when the day came, nobody really showed up to panic. So we called it off. Refunds are not available.”
A replacement crisis is reportedly being scheduled for a more convenient date.
