ECONOMY BOOMING, JUST DON’T LOOK AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
Experts insist the economy is thriving, provided you never check your own finances
BANKS NOW CHARGING TO HOLD YOUR MONEY
Also charging you not to hold it, in a stunning display of range
Banks have introduced a new fee for holding your money, a charge that is thoughtfully accompanied by a second fee for not holding your money, ensuring customers pay regardless of what their money does.
“Whether your money is here or elsewhere, we’ve found a way to bill you for it,” said a bank representative, beaming. “We also charge a small fee for reading this sentence. That’ll be on your statement.”
Customers seeking to avoid the fees were advised that avoiding fees carries a fee.
