STABLECOIN SO STABLE IT STOPS TIME

A new stablecoin has achieved a truly historic level of price stability by, according to physicists, freezing time itself, ensuring its value can never change because nothing can.

“It’s perfectly stable now,” confirmed a researcher, moving very slowly through frozen air. “The price hasn’t moved in what is technically no time at all. Investors are thrilled, or would be, if they could move.”

The coin’s creators called it their proudest achievement, a statement that will remain true forever, literally.