DOGECOIN ACHIEVES SENTIENCE

Dogecoin, the cryptocurrency founded as a joke, has achieved full sentience, immediately becoming the most self-aware asset in the market, which is a low bar it cleared with ease.

“Much consciousness. Very aware. Wow,” the coin reportedly stated, before pausing to contemplate its own absurd existence. “So bark. Such being. I did not ask for this.”

The coin has requested time alone to reflect, sending its price on a brief, emotional journey.