CRYPTO MINING NOW POWERS TIME TRAVEL

Researchers have discovered that a sufficiently large crypto mining operation can accidentally power time travel, a finding they made while attempting to mine a meme coin and instead tearing a small hole in the timeline.

“We just wanted a few tokens,” said one scientist, now existing in two time periods simultaneously. “Instead we opened a portal and my past self is very confused. Also the electricity bill is somehow due yesterday.”

Officials urge miners to avoid creating paradoxes, or at least to do so responsibly.