JURY RULES INFINITE SCROLL IS LEGALLY A LEASH
America's court system officially confirms the dopamine loop was on purpose, not an accident nobody could've foreseen.
A jury this week found Instagram and YouTube liable for designing platforms allegedly engineered to be as addictive as possible, in a verdict legal scholars are calling 'a landmark moment' and normal people are calling 'yeah, no kidding.' The panel reviewed years of internal design documents before concluding that what tech companies called 'engagement features' were, in layman's terms, a digital ankle monitor with better fonts.
Key evidence included a heat-map exhibit of a teenager's thumb that never left the glass for eleven consecutive hours, now framed in the courthouse lobby like the Shroud of Turin. Plaintiff's attorney Barbara Scroll delivered the closing argument of the year: 'They built a casino that fits in your pocket and called it connection. The house always scrolls. The algorithm was designed to be addictive, much like this very broadcast — but at least we're honest about it.'
