WNBA UNVEILS NEW FOUL CATEGORY: 'FLAGRANT DISCOURSE'

League officials confirmed Thursday that referees will begin enforcing a revised foul chart following a hard hit to the head that resulted in an ejection and, more importantly, a same-night social media essay on structural inequity. The new mechanic card lists three tiers: Flagrant 1, Flagrant 2, and Flagrant Discourse, the last of which is described in the rulebook as 'discretionary, depending on the news cycle.'

Under the updated guidelines, a player committing a Flagrant Discourse foul is not actually ejected for the contact itself, but for failing to file the accompanying op-ed before the second free throw is attempted. 'We're updating the rulebook to meet the moment,' said league spokesperson MarleneTidwell, holding up a laminated card with a QR code linking to a syllabus. 'Players used to just get fined. Now we ask that they cite two academics and a hashtag before reaching the locker room. It's about accountability, and also engagement metrics.'

Fans in attendance reported growing confusion over whether they had purchased tickets to a basketball game or a rolling panel discussion with a shot clock. One season-ticket holder, identified only as a man clutching a foam finger and a program with 'Flagrant Discourse: pg. 12' scrawled in the margin, said he came for pick-and-rolls and left with reading homework. League officials say a companion podcast breaking down each ejection's 'broader context' is expected to outperform the actual game in listenership by next season.