NFL TRAINING CAMPS OPEN WITH TEAMS PROVING SCARIEST OPPONENT WEARS SAME LAUNDRY
Vikings hand the job to Kyler Murray while Raiders quarterback and pass rusher settle their differences the old-fashioned way.
The Minnesota Vikings named Kyler Murray their starting quarterback this week, a decision made easier by the fact that no one on the practice field tried to fight him for the honor. Meanwhile, three states over, the Las Vegas Raiders suspended quarterback Kirk Cousins and defensive end Maxx Crosby from team drills after a practice scuffle that team sources describe as "spirited" and everyone else describes as "two grown men in matching helmets rolling around like they still owed each other lunch money."
The Raiders have since installed a five-minute cooling-off beanbag corner in the practice facility, stocked with stress balls shaped like opposing teams' helmets, for players who need to decompress before returning to the business of losing to opposing teams. "The suspensions are simply a cooling-off period for two professionals who briefly forgot the jersey-color hierarchy," said Raiders spokesman Derek Holt, adjusting his tie in a way that suggested this was not the first fistfight he'd had to explain this month.
Up in Minnesota, Vikings PR quietly noted that this year's quarterback drama at least didn't involve blood on their own practice field, calling it "a real step forward for the franchise, emotionally speaking." League officials, for their part, confirmed that training camp remains the only time all season when a team's biggest threat is guaranteed to be standing three feet away in the huddle.
