MLB QUIETLY CREATES SECOND LEAGUE JUST FOR THE DODGERS
Commissioner's office confirms competitive balance remains 'a work in progress, like democracy,' after LA acquires basically the whole Tigers rotation.
In a trade so lopsided it required its own antitrust exemption, the Los Angeles Dodgers acquired two-time Cy Young winner Tarik Skubal from the Detroit Tigers on Thursday, giving up a handful of prospects the Tigers will one day watch pitch for other teams in the World Series against the Dodgers. Sources describe the return package as 'fine, I guess,' while the Dodgers' return was 'a man who might singlehandedly end baseball as a competitive sport.'
'We've reviewed the situation internally and determined the Dodgers are no longer technically part of the National League,' said fictional MLB spokesperson Carla Denhurst, adjusting a binder labeled COLLECTIVE BARGAINING (LOL). 'They're more of a sovereign baseball state at this point. We still make them play the Marlins for optics.' Denhurst added that acquiring a two-time Cy Young winner as a two-month rental 'for a title defense' is the sport's version of a superpower buying tactical nukes purely for deterrence — 'you don't plan to use all of it, you just want everyone else to sit down.'
