LAKERS FRANCHISE BUILT BY USED-CAR SALESMAN NOW OWNED BY MOUSE AND PRESIDENTIAL IN-LAW, ONE SISTER STILL HOLDING REMOTE
Family that turned a car lot into a dynasty cashes out to a media conglomerate and a guy who married well.
Most of the Buss siblings have agreed to sell their remaining stake in the Los Angeles Lakers to the ownership group already holding a controlling interest, pushing the new owners toward 83 percent of a franchise once built from nothing but chutzpah and a Chrysler dealership. The lone holdout, controlling owner Jeanie Buss, is said to be resisting on principle, spite, or possibly both, which insiders describe as "extremely on-brand for a family whose entire business model was refusing to sell."
Arena concessions have reportedly begun testing a limited-time "Succession Sundae," served with eight spoons, one of which refuses to share and keeps threatening to call a family meeting. League sources say the Lakers logo may quietly need to accommodate a small Mickey Mouse silhouette somewhere near the purple, and fans are already debating whether courtside seats now come bundled with surprise theme-park mascot appearances during timeouts.
"It's a basketball decision," said a spokesperson for the ownership group, "that happens to involve intellectual property synergy opportunities." Longtime fans note the franchise has now gone from a used-car salesman's fever dream to a portfolio line item shared by a global entertainment conglomerate and a man who married into a presidential family, calling it "the most Los Angeles ending imaginable" and "proof that even championship banners can be optioned for a sequel."
