GOOGLE SHIPS 'FAKE A DISASTER FROM SPACE' BUTTON, SHOCKED WHEN USED TO FAKE DISASTERS FROM SPACE

Google's new AI satellite imagery feature let anyone generate a photorealistic bird's-eye view of literally anything — a flooded city, a burning airbase, your ex's apartment complex mysteriously vaporized. Engineers reportedly spent months on the launch and, by all accounts, roughly zero seconds on the question 'what if someone bad uses this.' Within 24 hours, users had generated convincing fake disaster footage from orbit, at which point Google executives clutched their pearls so hard several pearls achieved escape velocity.

"The tool was intended for creative visualization, not actionable casus belli," clarified Google spokesperson Denise Farrow, reading from a statement clearly drafted by someone who used the word 'unforeseeable' in a sentence about a feature literally named 'generate fake satellite disaster.' Sources confirm the single most-generated image in the tool's brief lifespan was a pristine, high-resolution crater precisely where Google's own AI ethics review board building used to stand — which insiders say was, at minimum, thematically accurate.

Ron Rugundy called it 'the fastest ethics review in Silicon Valley history, clocking in just under the previous record, which was zero.' "I'm not going to sugarcoat this," Ron intoned, mustache trembling with the gravity of a man who has personally never once considered consequences before speaking. "I don't know how. But I do know that somewhere in Mountain View, a legal department is generating its own satellite image right now, and it just shows a man sweating so hard it's visible from space — which, ironically, is the one image on that platform nobody had to fake."