STRAIT OF HORMUZ DEAL NOW ON MARVEL TRAILER RELEASE SCHEDULE
President says agreement could land 'as early as Wednesday,' joining toddlers and superhero studios in the fine art of the soft deadline.
President Trump told reporters Tuesday that a deal to reopen the Strait of Hormuz could be announced 'as early as Wednesday,' a phrase oil traders have learned to treat with the same skepticism as a toddler promising to clean his room 'in a minute.' The Strait, through which roughly a fifth of the world's oil traffic normally flows, has spent months disrupted by conflict, tension, and what analysts are now calling 'scheduling issues.'
An Oman-based intermediary described the ongoing talks as 'constructive,' adding, with visible restraint, that constructive is 'doing a lot of work in that sentence.' 'Nobody has walked out yet,' the intermediary said, 'and the coffee is still hot, which by regional diplomatic standards counts as tremendous momentum.' Iranian state media reportedly has three separate versions of what Wednesday means, none of which fall on an actual Wednesday, and all of which are subject to further amendment pending vibes.
Oil traders, meanwhile, have set phone alarms labeled 'Hormuz maybe,' which they keep snoozing while refreshing futures prices every eleven minutes. 'We've priced in optimism the way a parent prices in a bedtime promise — fully aware it's fiction, but strangely comforted by the ritual,' said one commodities analyst, who described the market's mood as 'cautiously exhausted.' The President, for his part, warned Iran would be 'hit very hard' if the deal falls through, a threat that, like the deal itself, remains scheduled but not yet confirmed.
