ROCKET JUNK SLAMS INTO MOON NEAR EINSTEIN CRATER, ACHIEVING PEAK HUMAN LEGACY
A discarded Falcon 9 stage drifted for over a year with no brakes before parking itself next to the smartest man in history.
After more than a year adrift with all the purpose and steering of a shopping cart in a parking lot, a spent SpaceX Falcon 9 upper stage has officially become the moon's newest permanent resident, gouging a fresh crater near the Einstein crater and proving once again that real estate near genius eventually becomes storage space.
Orbital debris specialist Neil Pruitt called it "the most expensive skid mark in human history," adding, "It drifted for a year with absolutely no ability to brake or steer, which several of us on the tracking team noted also describes the average earnings call." Officials confirmed the impact based on trajectory math, though photographic proof remains, fittingly, a work in progress.
Amateur tracking clubs have already opened a betting pool on the crater's eventual tourist-friendly nickname, with "Falcon Skid" currently the odds-on favorite, narrowly beating out "Einstein's Dumpster" and "Relatively Speaking, A Mess." Humanity, it seems, has finally left its mark on the cosmos — right next to the guy who explained gravity, and shaped suspiciously like litter.
