HAMAS 'REAFFIRMS' DISARMAMENT COMMITMENT FOR SEVENTH CONSECUTIVE TIME, VOWS THIS ONE REALLY COUNTS
Mediators say the pledge was written on a hotel notepad, laminated, and filed under room service requests for durability.
Meeting in Egypt this week, senior Hamas officials sat down with White House adviser Jared Kushner and reaffirmed, in the strongest possible terms, their long-standing commitment to eventually disarm Gaza, marking the group's most serious reaffirmation of a reaffirmation to date. Mediators described the atmosphere as constructive, noting the pledge was jotted down on hotel stationery, laminated for durability, and placed in a binder reportedly labeled 'Commitments (Ongoing).'
'This is our most binding reaffirmation yet — right up until the next one,' said Hamas spokesman Abu Nidal Farouk, 'which we also take extremely seriously. We understand people are skeptical after the last six commitments, but this time we really mean the sincerity behind meaning it.' Kushner reportedly pressed for 'tangible steps,' a phrase mediators say was met with polite nodding and an offer of more tea. Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair attended in his now-official capacity as 'the guy who shows up at these things,' a role he has held, sources say, at nearly every peace process since the invention of the fax machine.
Israeli officials, for their part, greeted the news with the enthusiasm of a man being handed a fourth 'final notice' from the cable company. 'We've seen this laminated notepad before,' one security official said. 'It's basically a subscription service at this point — auto-renews every few months, no cancellation link.' Analysts note the disarmament commitment now joins a growing folder of similarly 'very serious' pledges, filed for safekeeping somewhere between the minibar receipts and the do-not-disturb sign.
