CITY OF STARBASE VOTES TO ANNEX 'WHATEVER'S ADJACENT AND NOT ON FIRE'
The town built to colonize Mars says it urgently needs more of Texas first.
The Starbase City Council, composed entirely of SpaceX employees with badge access to the building they voted in, unanimously approved annexing several thousand additional acres of south Texas coastline this week, citing 'necessary growth' for a rocket program whose stated goal is to leave the planet entirely.
The vote reportedly took eleven minutes, nine of which were spent finding a councilmember who wasn't also running a Tuesday shift on the Starship pad. 'This is necessary, same as the last five times,' said Starbase spokesperson Trina Ocampo. 'We looked at Mars, and frankly the real estate market there is still too speculative. Texas is a known quantity.' Ocampo added that endangered shorebirds displaced by the expansion would be offered 'priority boarding' on future relocation flights, seating permitting.
Local landowners and wildlife groups have raised concerns that the annexation footprint now rivals some incorporated Texas counties, though residents note there's no one to file a complaint with, since the complaint department, the zoning board, and the guy who mows the median are the same three employees. 'We just want to know if there's a version of this where the company runs out of adjacent land,' said area rancher Deb Whitfield. 'Every time we ask, they point at the ocean and say international waters are next.' Council members reportedly closed the meeting by annexing the parking lot where the meeting was held.
