NATION'S TOP LAWYER PROMOTES OWN LAWYER TO TOP LAWYER JOB
Senate confirms Todd Blanche as attorney general, effectively upgrading a legal retainer to include nuclear codes and the Bureau of Prisons.
The Senate voted 50-49 early Saturday to confirm Todd Blanche, President Trump's longtime personal defense attorney, as United States Attorney General, in what legal scholars are calling less a nomination and more a promotion within the same client relationship. Sources say the DOJ's internal org chart has already been updated, with Trump still listed under 'Primary Contact' and a new dotted line reading 'formerly billed hourly, now billed to taxpayers.'
The official transition binder reportedly includes a tab labeled 'Open Matters Involving the Principal,' containing a single sticky note that simply reads 'Close them.' Sens. Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski joined Democrats in opposition, citing what one aide called 'a mild constitutional itch,' though supporters note that continuity of counsel is generally considered a best practice, especially when the counsel now also controls the FBI.
'Attorney-client privilege doesn't end,' said DOJ acting logistics chief Marla Kline, reviewing a supply requisition for a new SCIF and motorcade. 'It just gets an escort. Frankly, it's more efficient this way — no more scheduling conflicts between representing the client and, say, prosecuting people who annoy the client.' Kline added that the office's old billable-hours software is being repurposed department-wide, 'just to keep everyone in the habit.'
